Is it just me, or are they everywhere these days? That cute little dog down the street, strutting around without a care in the world, mocking us. At first it was the dog sweater. And then came little capes. And now, oh god, and now, dog shoes. They're as silly to me as those dogs who get their heads stuck in buckets and crash into things. Only this is no accident.

Dog shoes don't belong. They defy nature and they have no purpose. Some people buy these ridiculous things to protect the interior of their home. They actually bend over to fasten 4 shoes on a dog before the dog comes inside the house. Some people buy these things because they think they're cute. I won't go there.

But you see, dogs don't need dog shoes. Nature has already given dogs shoes. They're called paws. They are thick and durable padded feet that allow them to walk on virtually anything without getting hurt. Anything that would pierce a dog's paw would probably also pierce a dog shoe. Hence the absurdity.

The only borderline plausible excuse for buying such things is to take your dog hiking on some pretty rugged terrain. If your dog has sensitive feet and it can't quite last on a decent hike, then fine. I get that. It's still weird but I get that. Or if your dog is one of those tragic creatures with no back legs who has to pull itself around on a little wagon, then I can justify this too. But normal dogs living in the city or suburbs should have more self respect, and their owners should have more decency.

But the biggest crime is not how stupid those dogs look. It's the fact that there are people in the world who don't have shoes. And the absurd thing is that not only do dogs not need shoes, they don't need four of them. Where a poor kid might get by with a single pair, even the smallest of dogs needs two pair. Now I'm not usually one to tell others what to do with their hard earned cash, but people buying such things may need to read the news and have a reality check.

Yes my friends, something is wrong in the world. But I am not married to my hatred of dog shoes. If someone could show me how they don't breach the indelible laws of nature, I'd be all ears.