Discover 505 ways to encourage a chronically ill friend in Lisa Copen\'s 94-page book, Beyond Casseroles. Get 3 copies for just $10! http://www.comfortzonebooks.com . Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries, serving the chronically ill,
\"When I was finally diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis I was so relieved,\" shares Leesa. \"Despite knowing I had a long road ahead of me, just having it be acknowledged as a real illness and not all \'in my head\' was encouraging. But a few months later I realized my temper was showing itself when it would not have before. I was angry. Angry that I was going to have to deal with illness as a young adult, while all my friends still seem to have carefree attitude about life.\"
A well-known doctor in Switzerland, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, wrote a book that has changed perspective on how people deal with grief for any kind of loss. This book, called \"On Death and Dying,\" shows how she recognized a cycle of emotional stages that now is commonly referred to as the cycle of grief. Anger is the third stage of the cycle, following the stage of shock and denial.
When we are diagnosed with an illness, feeling anger is the most natural reaction. Realizing our dreams may be out of our control now that our body is redefining what is \"normal\" for us, can be devastating.
Admitting that we have deep emotions about the losses is part of the mourning process. The stages of the grief process differ for each person and how much time is spent there. You may find you breezed through the anger phase the first year for illness, but the second year when you lose another ability, you are angry for months.
Eddie, who lives with fibromyalgia, says, \"My anger comes and goes. When the drug stops working or I flare uncontrollably for a few weeks, I want to lash out at everyone--my wife and child, the doctors, my friends, and even the telemarketers that call me. I hate it, but I just get stuck there. I have to work hard to move back to being a fun person to be around.\"
One thing is definite: anger will come. For some people it will be a mild irritation with everything in life, and for others a flaring temper that doesn\'t seem subside.
\"It is my observation,\" says Linda Noble Topf, author of \"You are Not Your Illness\", \"that the absence of anger in the face of a serious illness suggests that we have already withdrawn from life, that we have relinquished our passion for living, that we are resigned and emotionally numb.\"
When you are Christian it can feel shameful to even express that you have angry feelings. Too often Christians believe that their angry emotions are sinful and something that those with a great deal of faith never experience. They even believe that those feelings they do have are not even quote \"allowed.\" Have you ever experience some of these feelings?
- If my faith in God is solid, I should trust that He wants what is best for me. Doubting His hand in my circumstances to shows my lack of faith.
- If I tell other Christians about my angry feelings, and how frustrated I am with this disease, won\'t they think I am weak in my walk with Christ?
- I know it says, \"wise men shouldn\'t anger\" in the Bible. How can I, in good faith, express the emotions that I am feeling?
- I understand anger can lead to bitterness. So if I don\'t admit I am angry, will I be a better Christian, focusing on just the positive stuff in life?
These feelings are not unusual, yet, they prevent us from coping with the grief that we are experiencing by the loss of our health and lifestyle.
Here are a few suggestions for coping effectively with illness and the anger that accompanies it.
1. Are you feeling angry? Acknowledge this emotion and then move on with life.
If you insist on ignoring your emotions, believing that in the end you will be a spiritually healthier person for it, you are wrong. Topf advises, \"Think of anger as a resource that you can learn to harness and refine for your own benefit.\" If you can learn to recognize your anger, it will help you reclaim your authentic identity. Faking it won\'t take you through this.
The Bible tells us that Job got extremely angry, even cursing the day he was born. After much loss of loved ones, possessions, and finally his health, he had a justifiable reason to be mad at God. He said, \"Do I have any power to help myself, now that success has been driven from me?\" (Job 6:13). Later in Job\'s life, however, God restored his life and blessed him exponentially and then he said, \"Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful to know\" (Job 42:3b). Job had to go through the anger stage in order to come out on the other side with more character and wisdom. And only through this was he able to experience the blessings God gave him to their full extent.
2. Feeling angry is okay.
God gave us the ability to feel anger. There are many examples in the Bible where even He feels anger. What does the Bible tell us about anger? Once you begin to get in touch with these feelings of anger, it may trigger every unfairness and injustice that you are experiencing. We are susceptible to becoming wrapped up in these feelings and remaining angry at the world. These are the feelings of anger that God warns us about; as He knows that they can become too prominent in our life and take our focus off of Him.
- \"For man\'s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires\" (James
- \"Wise men turn away anger\" (Proverbs 29:8b).
- \"A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control\" (Proverbs 29:11).
God knows that although anger is a natural human emotion, it should not be our lifestyle. Some people may argue that it takes anger to get things accomplished. One example of this is the emotional name of Mothers against Drunk Drivers which have a seemingly appropriate acronym called \"MADD.\" \"We discover that anger is first and foremost demand for change,\" writes Topf. Great things have happened in our history, because of the \"I\'m-not-going-to-take-it anymore-attitude,\" but it\'s not how God calls us to live our entire life.
In Amos 1:11 God says, \"I will not turn back my wrath... because his anger raged continually.\" God is not upset with the fact that we justifiable feelings of anger, but because they can become continuous feelings that we insist on acting upon. The Lord calls us to refocus on Him and to use our anger to make positive changes that will ultimately bring Him glory.
3. Walk alongside God and He will walk with you through the anger.
The Bible tells us how David discovered this. \"Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me.\" (Psalm 138:7). God can calm the anger of not only ourselves but also our enemies. He\'s there to offer protection and guidance as you go through the various episodes of anger and the emotions of your illness.
\"I\'m still dealing with anger toward this illness, after eight years of being sick,\" shares a woman who lives with fibromyalgia, Peggy says, \"Each time I experience a new limitation, I get angry all over again. But as I learn to cope with living with chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia, and the limitations it places on my activities, I expect God\'s perfect grace. I pray that He will become slow to anger, as I am depending on the scripture, \'The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love\'\" (Psalm 103:8).
We will all face the emotion of anger for the rest of our lives. Some of the most basic advice to cope with it is that which is in a scripture that I refer in my book, \"Why Can\'t I Make People Understand? Discovering the Validation Those with Chronic Illness Seek and Why\" where I walk through the emotions of anger and bitterness we deal with in regards to our illness. In Hosea 7:13b-14 God says, \"I long to redeem [you] but. . . [you] do not cry out to Me from [your] hearts, but wait upon [your] beds.\" Don\'t flop down on your bed and wail \"Why me?\" Instead pour out your heart to the Lord and wholly ask Him for help.
Discover 505 ways to encourage a chronically ill friend in Lisa Copen\'s 94-page book, Beyond Casseroles. Get 3 copies for just $10! 
