Mommy moments come in all forms of days at the beach, backyard BBQs, or kids reading groups at the library. These are all wonderful times to get to know other mothers and share in wearing out your kids, as well as gaining some understanding from other parents. But the number of women who live with chronic illnesses such as fibromyalgia and diabetes continues to grow, the spontaneity of these fun activities is easily disrupted.

According to the National Fibromyalgia Association, fibromyalgia (FM) experts estimate that about 10 million Americans and approximately 5 percent of the population worldwide live with this disabling condition of FM, one of the fastest growing auto-immune diseases in the USA.  When I recently went to my adoptive moms play date group, even within this niche group, three out of the six of us had chronic illnesses.  Being aware of they illness symptoms a friend may cope with, and the daily changes in their limitations and abilities, can make a big difference in how much they are willing to be a part of a mom\'s group and feel comfortable around other moms who all seem to jump hurdles at the speed of light.

[1]. Find out the best times of day for play-dates or activities. This will vary from season to season (weather and heat can affect it a great deal); and it also is different from one illness to another. For example, for some moms, mornings are good and afternoons are exhausting; for others they aren\'t moving or out of PJs before the clock strikes noon.

[2] Be adaptable and don\'t make her feel guilty if she must cancel your plans. When one lives with a chronic illness, one never knows what may change moment to moment. For example, last week I just took a normal step, but it resulted in my knee being locked up for four days. Despite all the medications and therapies, all my plans had to be cancelled and my husband tried to pick up the pieces of my son\'s schedule while he also worked from home.

[3] Ask her to clarify what she\'s comfortable doing. For example, you might say, \"How far do you want to walk today?\" and try to accommodate. Even though you can see the park from your house two blocks away, she may not be bale to make it. Stairs may be impossible, and I won\'t even take escalators any more because of my knees, so take the elevator with her. Walk at her pace, recognizing that she may have to take rest stops every few minutes even though you\'ve only walked fifty feet. Do her a huge favor and chase after her kids for a few minutes. Standing for longer than a couple minutes may also be a challenge. Despite the pain of walking, it\'s better for me than standing. Even though the line at the carousel looks like it\'s only five minutes, she may need you to offer to stand in line and then let her jump in beside you at the last minutes.

[4] Be polite when asking questions about her illness. For example, ask, \"What is your greatest challenge?\" Don\'t tell her about all the cures you\'ve heard for her illness or about the products you sell that could cure her; or about your mother\'s aunt\'s neighbor who has the same illness but still is able to raise five children and work a full-time job.

[5] Be aware of simple things that may be difficult for her. For example, if you go to the beach, you may want to ask her if she would like to be dropped off while you find a parking spot; she may not be able to sit on the ground so bring a few lawn chairs so she isn\'t the only one two feet above the rest of your friends. She will likely be limited in her sun-exposure. She may not be able to carry as much picnic items as you can from the car. While you don\'t want to make her feel helpless, nor does she want you to make a big deal out of it, just be aware that she may need some extra considerations.

[6] Don\'t assume that she can take care of your children, even for five minutes, unless she volunteers. Child-caring is exhausting and caring for her own may be zapping her of the little strength she already has. Plus, if your kids are prone to run out into the street, realize that she may not physically be able to chase them.

[7] Plan activities that she can participate in. While you may love your stroller exercise groups, and mommy-and-me swim classes, these activities may not be options for her. Ask her what kinds of things she likes to do and then join her for these. Keep the activities under three hours; while you may spend six hours at the zoo, affirm that you completely understand she needs to get home. Don\'t say, \"a little more exercise may do you some good!\"

[8] Lastly, say the words to her that every mom wants to hear: \"You are an amazing mom  and I don\'t know how you do it all. I truly admire your perseverance and strength.\"
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Download 40 free pages of Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend by Lisa Copen when you sign up for HopeNotes chronic illness ezine at Rest Ministries. Lisa is the founder of National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week.